"You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. Fewer Texans. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. They own you. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. And they all vote. "Some people see the glass half full. Then you live in an old age home. ", 46. ", 77. "Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bulls**t they teach you in school. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? This cookie is set by the BlueConic. of American cultural paradoxes.. Then you're just what they're looking for. Well what if I don't want to? George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. This cookie is native to PHP applications. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. You and I are not in The Big Club. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. It also helps for marketing automation solution for B2B marketers to track customers through all phases of buying cycle. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. "I put a dollar in a change machine. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. Teach them to question what they read. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. George Carlin. This is what we have to offer. It doesn't matter what side you're on. George Carlin Quotes On . ", 39. You think your current financial. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. (LogOut/ ", 36. The game is rigged. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics They got you by the balls. Thats what the owners count on. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Was George Carlin a liberal or a conservative? - Quora "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. They own you. Politicians don't care about you. No nothing. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. ", 84. It seems only right. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. They dont care about you at all. You have no choice. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. ", 52. Broadly speaking. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. And nobody seems to notice. This cookie is set by Eloqua. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Everybody says they suck. What if I want to have a crappy day? ", 4. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. ", 18. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. They want obedient workers. George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. ", 121. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." No nothing! This cookie is set by Akamai. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. Thats all it is. Dumb ass motherfuckers., The real owners, the big, wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Let's start with critical race theory. Maybe this time itll work. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. RIP George Carlin. 'Punching down,' the political weapon of so-called tough guys "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Laugh until you gasp for breath. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . Why? ", 11. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. That's the problem. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. "If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. Am I right? It creates a hostile work environment. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! Trump did not fall to Earth from. ", 117. They don't want to hear from you. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. And complaining about the politicians. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. The rights and the rights of property. On Election Day, I stay home. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. . In fact, sometimes you get the impression that theyre the only ones who vote. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. September 12, 2019. "It helps to remember this.. You don't. You have no choice. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. ", 37. George Carlin's 'Wake Up America' bit went viral in July 2020. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. No other time but to see how human nature really shines, am I right? It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' George Carlin. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. They will do anything for the unborn. Everybody complains about politicians. Where are these people hiding? I don't like cats. They want your fuckin retirement money. "So, have a little fun. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. 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Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives . ", 60. ", 21. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. July 18, 1999 - George Carlin - 2002-02-01 - VOA Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. The late great stand-up, actor and occasional philosopher George Carlin was known to cross the lines of what polite society would call good taste, but he himself drew a few lines when it came. ", 101. ", 75. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. These Are The Most Controversial Comedians! - msn.com "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. ", 31. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. And I didn't really care in the first place. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. "How can [God] be perfect? This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Try spelling Evian backward. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. ", 41. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Going after racists, sexists, fascists, and aiming to bring those who try to restrict freedom to justice. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. Lobbying, to get what they want. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . Thats right. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. ", 114. You ever notice that? Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. Keep your circle small. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. ", 9. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Good honest hard-working people continue these are the people of modest means Continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who dont give a fuck about you. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. "Never argue with an idiot. he was a conservative. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. That is against their interests. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. "Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean that the circus has left town. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. ", 86. ", 48. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. They never mention that part to us, do they? A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. But He loves you. 01. ", 89. Obedience, respect for authority. They dont want that. He loves you, and He needs money! When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) They dont give a fuck about you. Deal with it. They own, and control the corporation. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. They dont want people who are smart enough to sit around a kitchen table and think about how badly theyre getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fuckin years ago. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. "There's a humorous side to every situation. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. ", 103. It will not be with jack-boots. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). . Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. But dont participate; it will be your death. ", 54. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. I'm f**kin' serious! No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. After that, they don't want to know about you. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. ", 16. Who's winning the culture war? | caucus99percent 120+ George Carlin Quotes On Politics, Government And Religion The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. ", 85. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. . He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times ""These days many politicians are demanding change. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. God has a three-day weekend. 4. George Carlin: 'Politicians don't actually say things, they INDICATE You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! Others see it half empty. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. 125 George Carlin Quotes to Make You Laugh, Smile and Think You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. That doesnt help them. -George Carlin There you are. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. Then youre just what theyre looking for. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 From his infamous take on censorship with his NSFW "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" (which landed in the Supreme Court) to his nuanced rants on partisan politics and consumerism, Carlin not only made audiences laugh, but he challenged them to think independently and criticallyalbeit not entirely deliberately. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". ", 107. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. ", 20. We're so self-important. It does not store any personal data. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It helps in improving the performance. Everybody says they suck. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. "In America, anyone can become president. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. Now, some people like to twist that around. Whitney Webb on the Globalist Overlords Meeting in Davos
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